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End of Days (Ep. 7.21)"Big Empty" Let's keep this short. "End of Days" was the worst episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ever. Bad in the sense of not making sense. Bad in the sense of stupid things happening. Bad in the sense of characters doing and saying things that make you hate them. Bad in the sense of making you wonder what the finale could possibly produce to make this horrible sinking feeling go away. I won't prolong the pain. Let's get this one over with. . . . . Chaos in the sewers. War-movie-style jostling camera shots. A timebomb has just gone off in the midst of the Potentials, and many girls are dead. Faith is pulled out of the dirty water, unconscious, but still alive. Everyone's scared and hurt. There is much stumbling and screaming. Now, since you obviously can't have a group of frightened, injured girls stumbling through a dank, drippy sewer without something showing up to chase them, multiple UberVamps pop out of the storm drains like sewer rats to hassle the bedraggled bunch. More girls die. (Someone open that pesky Seal again? Are there thousands running around now? Or just a few? Dunno - no one mentions it!) Buffy flourishes axe to an awestruck Willow and Giles. She brags about pulling it from the stone and inexplicably calls it a "scythe," which it is not. A scythe is that thing that Brad Pitt used to slice and dice the Paris coven in Interview With a Vampire. It's that long blade on a pole that the grim reaper carries. (scythe n. an agricultural instrument consisting of a long, curving blade fastened at an angle to a handle, for cutting grass, grain, etc., by hand; Websters Unabridged.) I really would have liked to see Buffy handle one of those, but that's not what she has. She has an axe. An axe with a stake on the handle - the same prop that appears in Joss Whedon's comic book, Fray (in which it's nothing special whatsoever - guess this particular plot development hadn't been thought of yet). Willow and Giles research the axe, mostly on the Internet. They coo over how "ancient" it is, although it certainly doesn't resemble a Bronze-age sword blade or prehistoric relic. It's chrome-shiny and the blade is painted candy-apple red. It looks like a ZZ Top tour prop. Disbelief: not really suspended here. We find out what Xander's mission is. It's to take Dawn away from the fight. He stuffs a chloroformed rag in her face, piles her into his car, and drives off. Buffy, in her new penchant for note-writing, has provided Dawn with a feckless explanation, which we get in sugary voiceover: "Dearest Dawn, don't be angry with Xander. He only did what I told him to do. This isn't the place for either of you. Please know that I love you and that everything I do is for you. I promised once to show you this beautiful world, and I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen... Thankfully, there is a god, because this tedious claptrap cuts off when Dawn produces a stun gun and zaps Xander with it! She grabs the wheel of the car and turns back toward home. I know it won't last, but for now, Dawn is my new hero. Quick break here. I am not a hot chick with superpowers. Nor are most people. There are a lot of actual wars being fought in the real world today, and none of the people fighting them have superpowers, nor superpowered friends, nor special healing powers and magic axes. They go out and fight and die and do what they feel they have to, even though they're not special, not Chosen Ones, not given the gifts of destiny to help them fight their battles. This speech is beautiful. Emma Caulfield is a terrific actress. I'm continually impressed by her talent, especially in her ability to summon up such a complex mix of emotions - usually over the human condition (e.g., "The Body," "Hell's Bells," "Entropy," "Selfless"). Anya's journey toward humanity has been one of the most touchingly underplayed and heartfelt elements of the last three years, and one of the brightest spots of the season so far. But what bothers me about this speech is that it just has way too much in common with Jonathan's wistful reminiscence about high school just before he got a dagger in the gut, or Tara's last happy day with Willow just before she got shot. I can't help but feel like we're watching her (and likely Andrew as well) being prepared for execution. And is Anya's speech really supposed to be the series' overweening philosophy? Do we all just "blunder through life" thinking only of the moment? If people are simply "lame morons for fighting," does wanting to do "what's right" even matter? Is everything really that pointless? Does all the series' talk about good and evil add up to anything at all? There are a couple of lame jokes and some awkward axe-admiring."Can see why a girl would ditch a fella for one of those," Spike comments jokingly re: the axe, then he gamely offers to pass off the previous night as: "...a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from the cellar dweller. Let's don't make a thing out of it." Buffy agrees with the brisk, "Great. I have work to do." Getting the obvious message that his presence is no longer required, Spike puts out a few hurt signals, then stalks off to the kitchen. And now, witness the wonder of Buffy's mind at work. Having clearly communicated that she's busy and doesn't want to bother with Spike, she then pursues him into the kitchen, ranting that he's "a dope" and "a bonehead." Brandishing the precious axe and, she tells him that she's "tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals," and insists that the very reason she has the weapon is "because of the strength that you gave me." She wonders aloud how he could possibly think that the previous night didn't mean anything to her, even though she just said as much on the stairs. He stares at her like she's gone mental, which is a pretty good theory at this point, then tells her exactly what the night meant to him, in the second soul-baring speech in as many episodes. To wit: it was the best night of his life. Just holding her and watching her sleep is the first time he's ever felt truly close to anyone. And now he's thoroughly "terrified" that she's going to make fun of him or blow him off again. Which, of course, she does. She insists the night was important to her too, that she was "there" with him. He asks her what that means. "I don't know. Does it have to mean something?" she states flatly. The irony here is astounding. Despite her complaining, it's Buffy who continually puts out "defensiveness and weird, mixed signals." Her emotional constipation, her one-of-everything candy assortment of superiority and inferiority complexes and empathic frigidity, has been pointed to again and again as the chief reason for most of her own misery this year. And yet, one episode from the finale, we're getting no indication that there will be any kind of comeuppance for her behaviour. The ideals that "Empty Places" and "Touched" seemed to be preaching, that unity doesn't come from command structures and strength doesn't come from detachment, have been resolutely overthrown. In "End of Days," Buffy is once again the unchallenged leader, as remote as ever. And having gotten what she needs from Spike, she once again dismisses him...but not before making sure he'll still be there in case she needs him again. It's downright creepy to realize how many times we've seen this pattern by now: Spike opens his heart to Buffy, often at length, and receives a frozen or dismissive response, yet if he tries to withdraw or leave, she refuses to let him go. She protects him and relies on his help, but keeps him on the outside of her life looking in. She soaks up his adoration and gives nothing back, acts jealous and possessive yet won't admit to any connection, emotional or otherwise.
What are we supposed to be getting out of this? Are we supposed to see Spike's treatment by Buffy here as his penance, his chance to gain some much-needed humility by serving Buffy's needs with no thought for his own? If so, then what was Season 6 all about? Wasn't that ground already pretty much covered in "Beneath You"? From these last couple of episodes, one gets the impression that we're now meant to see Spike in a somewhat noble light - the camera lingers lovingly on his face as he makes these speeches - but then what does that make Buffy? Not exactly noble, that's for sure. Watery eyes and quivery chin notwithstanding, Buffy comes off as a selfish bitch, with no thought spared for anyone's feelings but her own. Not much of an object lesson there. And it's not over yet. Given "does it have to mean something?" as his answer to "the best night of my life," Spike's previously wide-open expression closes down and he cuts off Buffy's halfhearted attempt to suggest that maybe they can talk "when this is over." "Let's just go be heroes," he sighs. Y'know, in the old days, Buffy would have been rolling her eyes at this last the same way I am... but no dice these days. She just stares at the Elf Queen all serious like any of this means anything or any of us have ever wondered about the mystery of a magic axe that was just introduced last episode, or a race of "Guardians" who don't seem to have ever guarded anything. Not to mention the overall stupidity of the axe itself - I'd had such hopes that the Slayer's ultimate weapon would be something a little less, shall we say, literal, being that The First isn't exactly something you can bury an axe in the skull of. Agh! Guess not, 'cause a man shows up to save Buffy! Guest star David Boreanaz as Angel makes his appearance in the final two minutes of the show to punch Caleb, quip for a second, and then stand aside smirking while Buffy puts the evil preacher down for the count. She doesn't do a finishing move, however, so I doubt he's really out of our hair yet. Poor Chevy Impaler was about having a conniption on our couch. Doesn't this girl watch any horror movies? Maybe that's what we should be doing right now... So now what? My guess: Buffy will use her chrome-shiny new weapon to put a foot to Caleb's ass; the leftover gang will once again rally 'round; The First will be sent packing; and all will be right once more in Sunnydale. What, you thought that evil would win in the end? Uh-huh. So just to make sure we have something to not be sure about instead, we have this - a wince-inducing love triangle between Buffy, and the two vampires who love her. Will Spike go evil again, considering that trying to be good hasn't exactly paid off for him so far? Will Angel say anything about what's been going on at his network, where his son's been banished from this reality and he's supposedly fallen in love with Cordelia? Will Buffy tells us what she really feels? And here's the most important question: will we even care?
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